The world spins around and around. But sometimes, it feels like I’m spinning around and around.
It’s kind of funny.
How life is.
When I was five, I wanted to be an architect. I wanted to make real houses, instead of ones from Lincoln Logs. I wanted to make malls that real people can admire, instead of little Barbie sets. I wanted to create a new world by myself.
When I was seven, I wanted to be a cook. I wanted to cook for important people. I wanted to be able to whisk up good food with random ingredients. I wanted to wear a chef outfit. I wanted to work in Gusteau’s. I wanted to have people at awe with my abilities.
When I was nine, I wanted to be an actor. I wanted to be on television. I wanted to go to the Oscars. I wanted to dress up as new people. I wanted to meet celebrities. I wanted to be rich. I wanted people to be my fans.
When I was eleven, I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be able to decorate my own classroom. I wanted to get gifts from students during Valentine’s Day. I wanted to grade tests. I wanted to have summers off. I wanted to teach later generations.
When I was thirteen, I wanted to be a fashion designer. I wanted to create beautiful outfits. I wanted to have runway shows with tall models. I wanted people to attend my shows. I wanted to have my own brand name.
When I was fifteen, I stopped knowing what I wanted to be. I realize that life is a lot bigger than I had always thought. I realize that dreams can be hard to accomplish. I realize that I may not have the talents. At the end of my freshman year at high school, my English teacher was going to retire. I won’t say she is my favorite teacher; she gave a lot of homework, study questions, and assignments. I had her class first thing in the morning. When I heard of her retirement, I thought about former teachers who had retired. Yeah, I figured they probably get a staff party and gifts. I knew students would wish her a great retirement on the last days of school. And then, I realized that I could leave an effect in her life and my own. So, I grasped the opprotunity and did something really out of character. I made her a gift. A handmade hardcover book with a picture of each of her classes and signatures from a number of students; I have never made a hardcover book before. And my parents were never the type to buy arts and crafts; all I had was
- a large styrofoam board
- a bright green poster paper
- Elmer’s glue
- a scissor (to cut everything!)
- grey duct tape
- light blue construction paper
- pink yarn
- clear paper sleeves
But I did it. I made a book from scratch; I had watched dozens of instructional videos on YouTube, but in the end, had to improvish. (Sorry, but I never took a picture of it.) She almost cried when she got it. She told me no one had ever made something so special for her. And she wasn’t even my most absolute favorite teacher. I just wanted to make someone happy, so she could leave the teaching career and know that people appreciate her. I knew that making her this gift wouldn’t do anything to me, except make me feel accomplished; she was leaving and I hardly think she could write me a recommendation letter for college, when I was only a freshman.
Life, in general, can’t be mapped perfectly. You can’t plan to go to med school by twenty, marry by thirty, buy a house by forty, be a grandparent by fifty, and retire by sixty. I still have no idea what I plan to do with my life and where I currently am. Sometimes, I feel like I’m just spinning and looking at the same thing, and nothing speaks out to me. Every once in while, I see a light and I know I want to do that something. That’s when I felt like I am progressing in life and the world is spinning. Then, I get bored and go back to see the same things. This applies to music, jobs, foods, etc. You face times like that. Times when you have no idea what you are doing or your purpose. That’s alright. Purposes don’t always have to be something big like a job or marriage. Purposes could be something small like sharing food or taking a picture for someone. Purpose can be as simple as ending a blog post and publishing it for others to read. As easy as making someone else happy.
Out of fuel for now,